224! -6 lbs, 17 total

It's hard to believe, considering that I cheated on Sunday.

Yeah, I did. I was feeling really crappy and weak on Sunday. I had really overdone it walking around in the heat on Saturday, so on Sunday I was feeling dizzy and tired, so I ate some chicken and shrimp. It was so delicious after 2.5 weeks of eating cardboard-flavored shakes. Everything, the flavor, the texture, the aromas was enhanced. I felt better afterwards. I did. I gained a pound the next day, and was stuck for the next couple. I certainly didn't expect to lose more than the average for the week.

Right now I don't feel the desire to cheat again any time soon. Maybe I just needed to get it out of my system. Maybe I just really needed some extra protein. I have no idea how I managed to lose so much this week. I was walking more, maybe that was it. Maybe next week I won't lose anything.

I'm going to increase the walking some more this week. I have a lot of energy on this diet. You wouldn't think so at 470 calories a day, but I do. My stamina isn't as good as it was, but overall I have much more vitality.

Go figure

230 pounds

I only lost 2 pounds last week. Grrr.

I had so much temptation and I didn't cheat and this is the thanks I get. On Monday, I was seriously tempted by free sandwiches. Free food! So hard to say no. I actually stood in front of the platter seriously considering taking one. But then I decided that if I was going to cheat, I was going to cheat with something really good. Not some stupid ole sandwiches. On tuesday I was driving home trying to decide if it was cheating if I chewed the food and then spit it out. I was jonsing for rolled tacos so bad I had dreams about it. Pretty pathetic, huh. You try giving up regular food for two weeks and tell me how you feel! Nothing that I am eating (drinking, actually) is especially tasty. There is very little variety, just 3 flavors of shakes and only one flavor of soup. I can flavor them up a little, but in the end it's still not that great. My friend told me that I need to book a massage to reward myself for resisting temptation and I think she is right. Part of this whole thing is learning to reward myself with something other than food.

The good news is that by Wednesday I was losing that really intense need to eat rolled tacos. I feel a little better today, like I have made it past a little roadbump. Still, it's very disappointing to only lose 2 pounds.

I'm going to have to ramp up the exercise more. My goal for this week was to make it up to 6000 steps every day, up from an average of 4500-5000, but that has been surprisingly easy, so I'm bumping it up to 8000. Next week it'll go up to 9000, and after that I think it's time to hit the treadmill to start up my running program again. I'm not looking forward to going back to the gym, but I have to find a way to make it work for me.

Meanwhile, I have to figure out where to book my massage...

I Miss Food

I'm having a harder time this weekend. I'm really starting to miss my old favorites. Oh, rolled tacos with guacamole, how I long for thee. I have realized that eating is kinda what I do on the weekends. Get up late, go have a nice lunch. Do some shopping, get some snacks. All of that is gone now. No lunch, no snacks, no grocery shopping. The only thing I can still buy are diet beverages. I've found a few good ones - IBC diet root beer for example, but still, I don't really like soda pop that much. Where are the fat free, calorie free chocolate truffles?

Bleh.

I've been trying to think of other things, like canoeing, or travelling, or current events. None of it helps. Current events being what they are, I'm thinking maybe I shoud start eating again before the apocalypse comes. That would suck if my last meal ever was an Optifast shake. Seriously though, I think this is part of my problem. I eat because I don't really have that much else to do. What I really need to do is to find some new habits that are not food-related.

I think I also need to quit focusing on how long I'm going to be on the Optifast. Six months seems like such a long time. It's overwhelming. 30 weeks doesn't sound so bad, but still. Dang. If I can just make it until next Wednesday for a few more weeks. Maybe that is better.

My Weight Today

232

A Little Dizzy Today

In the Optifast group last Wednsday, I was warned to take my morning meal immediately after waking. I made the mistake of taking my shower first and it kinda wiped me out. It seems strange that I could be overcome by the slight exertions of washing my hair, but there you are. I had a shake immediately afterward, but I still feel a little weak.

I'm beginning to wonder if this is normal, or if something is going wrong. The potassium pills I'm taking were going right through me over the weekend. I've got that under control, but that might be part of the reason I'm feeling a little sore and tired.

Well, they will take my blood before the group meeting tomorrow. Then I will know for sure.

My Weight on 7/6/06

241

I forgot to post this last Wednesday. I'm going to be posting my "official" weight from the Optifast program scale every Wednesday night.

Day 3

I'm on my third day now. So far so good. There was cake for Rebecca's birthday at work yesterday and I wasn't going crazy because I couldn't have a piece. It was even chocolate with chocolate frosting, nigh irresistable. I have been sitting with coworkers at lunch and so far I don't want their lunches.

The times when I really want to eat something are at around 3pm, when I want something salty, and when I'm driving home from work. For some reason I start obsessing over chinese food. I wonder if it's a habit, like how I still want a cigarette when I drive long distances, even though I haven't smoked since high school. I tried having some of the soup that I am allowed at 3pm to appease my need for salty. It worked pretty well.

Don, the guy at work who inspired me to go on this diet, told me that the soup tasted like piss. I asked him how he knew what piss tasted like, and we had a fun little discussion about pee drinking as a ritual. He conceded that the soup tastes how piss smells since he has never actually tasted piss. I tried the soup and it's not that bad, better than some boullion I've had in the past. It does have this weird sweet aftertaste that is kinda icky but I'm pretty sure I can cover that up with some careful seasoning.

As to the shake flavors, the chocolate is not bad, the vanilla tastes like ass and the orange is ok. I went and got some sugar-free Torani syrup to flavor the vanilla with. The syrup covers up the ass flavor nicely but is way sweeter than I like. The search continues. Some people use iced tea. I found some stuff on the internets called Flavor2Go that looks promising. I may order some next week.

So far I have lost about 7 pounds. I'm sure it's all water weight, so I'm not especially encouraged by the loss. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about it, I just know that it's not all going to come off that quick. I'm planning on at least 6 months of Optifast.

Food Vacation

OK.

Today is a special day. It is the last day I will be eating food for the next 20-30 weeks or so. I decided to opt for the Optifast diet. It's a liquid diet, medically supervised. I have to go to weekly counseling meetings and have my blood drawn every other week. I thought about it a lot before I decided to go for it. The big seller for me was this guy from work who was on it. He lost like 185 lbs in 4-5 months. And he never looked tired or sick or hungry. I talked to him about it and he said he felt great. I only have 95 to lose, so I am very optimistic.

So here I am at the edge of the abyss. Today I had my second meeting and picked up my first load of liquid diet packets. At the very beginning of the meeting the counselor said, "This is it. No more food from now on." This first series of meetings lasts 20 weeks, until the day after my birthday. I will probably be in for more like 30 weeks - the end of January. That seems very far away right now, but time goes by so fast these days. My first drink will be tomorrow morning.

I know nobody reads this, but if you do, I hope you will wish me well. If you have anything negative to say about the liquid diet thingy please keep it to yourself for now. Please don't try to tempt me or goad me. Wait until I'm done. I know this is no permanent fix. The hard part will start when the diet is over and I have to relearn how to eat regular food properly.

I'm excited by the possibilities.