Is That Really Me?

It's hard for me to look at these pics I've been taking of myself. I can't believe that's how I look. I don't think of myself as looking that horrible, but there is the evidence. I'm not sure if it's denial, or just that I haven't really looked at myself in so long that I haven't really internalized my own reflection. I avoid the full-length mirror. Somehow it's not as bad from the chest up. Even so, it's pretty bad. My eyes are sunken and circled. My face is puffy and bloated. Is that really me?

Yes, it is.

Slowing Down

I knew it would happen. The weight loss is definitely slowing down. I've lost 1 pound so far this week. I've started going back to the gym and to yoga, but it's like I'm starting from scratch. One week away can really make a difference. Part of it though is that I'm probably not stretching enough.

My whole body feels sore. Maybe a massage should be one of my rewards. My reward for last week is a haircut, but I can't get it until next Thursday.

What I Look Like Today - 06-27-05

What I Look Like Today - 06-27-05
Originally uploaded by disastrogirl.

Can you tell I lost 7 pounds? Naw, me neither. Ah Well.

Monday Roundup

So.

I lost 7 pounds last week! Looks like diet can be more important than exercise. I even took a break from the gym and only went on walks.

I have lost 10% of my weight loss goal.
I have made it through 1 out of my 6 week diet plan without cheating (mostly).

The weekend was hard because that is when I am out and about and usually splurge on treats. When I'm at work it's usually a choice between what I bring and what the cafeteria is serving. Most of the time my food is better, unless it's lasagna day. I love their lasagna. I think I need to get a little bit more creative with the cooking so I don't get bored.

They say that if you can do a thing for three weeks it becomes a habit. This is week two.

Having a Bad Day

Today is one of those hopeless days. I have so far to go. I don't know if I can make it all the way. I don't know if it will make a difference. No matter how much weight I lose, I'll never be thin enough. I'll never be pretty enough or smart enough.

Tomorrow will probably be better.

Colin Quinn is a Dumbass

Not funny, not smart.

Departing from the unserious, Colin Quinn said that listening to news about Abu Ghraib made him fume.

"How about the fake torture at Abu Ghraib and Guantánamo Bay? How about the fake torture story that didn’t exist?" Mr. Quinn asked.

http://www.observer.com/pages/frontpage10.asp

4 pounds in 2 days

I know I won't keep losing at this rate, but still...



yay!

What I Look Like Today - 06-20-05.jpg

What I Look Like Today - 06-20-05.jpg
Originally uploaded by disastrogirl.

I'm back up to 220. I guess I won't be writing that diet book after all. I'm very disappointed, but I'm also very hopeful that the new eating plan will get me some results.

So far so good. I have stayed on the plan without cheating today. It's a bit of a drag to have to eat all the time. It seems like I'm eating every 5 minutes. I miss my little bite of chocolate after lunch. The thing is, I feel pretty good. I was sore and tired at the gym, but I got an hour done - 30 on the recumbent and 30 on the treadmill.

A girl I work with said I looked like I was losing weight today. That was nice.

I Eat Crap

Writing down what I eat for a few days has really helped me to see that I still eat a lot of crap. I think that if I'm going to be serious about losing weight I am going to have to address my diet as well. I don't believe in dieting, I think it can often do more harm than good. I do however believe that I can make much better food choices to help me to actually move the scale downwards.

A while ago I bought a weight loss program off of the tee vee. Yeah, I know, a sucker is born every minute, but I felt stuck, and wanted to try something different. I lost 15 pounds with it before I lost my focus. It's 5 meals a day, and you have to plan ahead and stuff. I'm not so great with the planning ahead. I'm going to go back on the eating plan - it says I can lose (up to) 30 pounds in 6 weeks! I'll have to eat a lot more animal protein than I'm used to, but what the hell, it's not like I'm a vegetarian. It's not Atkins or anything, I'm still eating lots of vegetables and fruits, and some carbs. It's mostly about getting rid of processed foods, excess fats and oils, sugar and salt. This means I'm going to have to give up my precious miso for a while, but that's a small price to pay. I need some quicker results.

Fun With My Virtual Model

composit
Originally uploaded by disastrogirl.

This is my virtual model at various stages of my planned weight loss. The 130 one is probably impossible. My goal is actually 150, but it's interesting to look at anyway.

Today's Food Log

Breakfast - the usual...................354 calories

Lunch

2 tbsp miso in hot water..............70 calories
3/4 cup brown short grain rice...133 calories
1 cup broccoli..................................44 calories

1/5 of Lindt bar.................................84 calories
bag of pretzels................................210 calories

4 beers.............................................640 calories (hey, I was celebrating my promotion!)
turkey sausage...............................128 calories (at a pool party)
asstd crap........................................300 calories (at my friend's house)

total...................................................1963 calories

Today's workout news

30 mins on recumbent - 7.4 miles - 211 cal
30 mins on treadmill - 235 cal
30 mins on recumbent - rolling hills - 215 cal

total - 661 calories

The two hour workout on Wednesday totally kicked my ass. I have backed off to 1-1/2 hours, but I am still feeling way too exhausted at the end of the day. I think I need to add something to my lunch, maybe a small piece of chicken or fish, and add a snack in the afternoon, something better than pretzels. I'm going to stay at 1-1/2 hours for a couple weeks and then try 2 hours again.

My Dinner

Not my greatest choice ever.

5 chicken rolled tacos with guacamole.....500 calories
1 packet Li'l Debbie Nutty Bars...................300 calories

total...................................................................800 calories

total for day....................................................1729 calories

Damn you, cake day!

Today's workout news

1/2 hour walk. That is all.

My Actual Lunch

OK. So today was cake day at work.

add 500 calories

I was out of rice

subtract 133 calories

My Lunch

This is what I usually eat for lunch.

2 tbsp miso in hot water..............70 calories
3/4 cup brown short grain rice...133 calories
3/4 cup raw spinach......................5 calories

total..........................................208 calories

Sometimes I go out for lunch and that would change things pretty radically. Lunch is typically the meal that I splurge on, if any.

I just found out that my favorite fish taco combo at Rubio's is 990 calories! Crazy! I guess I won't be getting that again.

My Breakfast

One of the funny little things about being fat is that people automatically assume that I eat a lot. I don't really.

This is my regular breakfast:

1 small banana...............100 calories
1/2 cup of berries............75 calories
3/4 cup soy milk..............80 calories
1 tsp almond butter.........99 calories
powdered vitamins............0 calories

total...............................354 calories

Today's Workout News

1 1/2 hours on the recumbent bike - 620 cals
30 mins walking and running - 210 cals

What I Look Like Today - 06-15-05

06-15-05_0915.jpg
Originally uploaded by disastrogirl.

This is me.

I'm 5'9" and currently weigh 217 pounds. At my heaviest I weighed about 240 pounds. When I get really unhappy I tend to sleep a lot, so it's easy to pack the pounds on. As you might imagine, I don't really like the way I look very much.

I have been overweight most of my life. There were times when I was at a healthy weight but people still thought I was fat. It didn't seem to matter whether I was 5 pounds overweight or 50, I was a fatass either way.

A few weeks ago I decided to really work on losing the weight again. I was down to 225, but I couldn't lose any more by watching my diet. I've been going to the gym on the first floor of my office building 3 times a week. I am following a running program and I ride the bikes. Now, you should know that I absolutely loathe the gym so this is a big step for me. Bleh.

Up until this weekend, my clothes have gotten looser but I haven't lost any weight. It took a vacation weekend for me to actually drop some weight. I call this my Drive a Lot and Drink Beer diet. I think I may write a book.

My goal is to get back down to 155 pounds. I'm hoping that I can do it in a year. That works out to 6 pounds a month. Doesn't seem like it should be that hard, but I think it will be.