Sunday, July 31, 2005

208

Monday, July 18, 2005

Where I'm At

Today I weigh 210, so I'm back to where I was before my "bad week." I haven't measured myself for the week yet so I don't know if I have lost any inches. Probably not, since I haven't been exercising much. I go back to the dentist on Wednesday to get my permanent crowns put on, so hopefully I'll be feeling better after that.

My body just does not want to let go of the fat. If I don't eat my little meals on time I get dizzy and confused. It really resists letting go of any reserves I have accumulated. It sort of defeats the purpose of having a reserve if the body refuses to use it. Grrrr.

A couple of months ago I was entertaining the fantasy of going on a Walkabout across America in order to lose the weight. This guy has gone off and actually done it. I hope he doesn't hurt himself, or get hurt. This other guy took 5 weeks and walked down every street in Manhattan. That would be fun! I also like the idea of a long term cycling trip. There are routes that go across the country but America is not the safest place for bicycle touring. Maybe somewhere in Europe. Of course all of these things require time and money. I seem to have lots of one or the other, but never both at the same time...

Monday, July 11, 2005

Last Week Was a Bust

I cheated in many ways with many different foods last week. I take two steps forward and one step back. Luckily I only gained back two pounds, so at least I'm not back at square one. I think a big part of it had to do with the dental work I had done on Tuesday. It hurt and I felt bad. It still hurts a bit. I was feeling sad, run-down and hopeless.

I use food for comfort and as a reward. It's easy, it's readily available, always fits and never goes out of style. They say that you need to find other ways to reward yourself when you are dieting. I haven't quite figured out how that works yet. I don't want to buy clothes, there's no point really. I could buy shoes I guess, jewelry maybe, get a manicure. Somehow those things just don't seem to work as well.

The other problem is that I am just not that disciplined. I never have been. I am working on it. Maybe 6 weeks is just too much for me to do all in a row. This diet is not only very strict about what I eat, it's a lot of work. I have to cook everything myself and then do all the dishes. It seems like I am always eating something, with the 5-6 meals a day. Bleh.

I stuck to my diet (mostly) for two weeks last time. This time I'm going for three. I'm feeling better now, and I have discovered a way to make some really delicious meatloaf comfort food that is within my diet requirements. I even tried making some mashed potatoes. They are not as good without cream and butter, but they are OK. I'm going to make a meatloaf mashed potato roll tonight that I think will be pretty good. I guess it's just a matter of learning from my mistakes and moving on.

I'm not going to give up.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I Feel

so very alone right now.

Fighting the Urge

I'm having a hard time staying on course today. Yesterday I had some dental work done. I bought some regular soup because I was feeling kinda crappy and just didn't want to cook for a change. This morning I got on the scale and was 2 pounds heavier - in just one day! That is just so fucked! Two cans of soup and I'm two pounds up. Gah! It's so discouraging!

The other thing is that now that I have eaten regular food, I want some more. Visions of Greasy Panda orange chicken are dancing around in my head. I am fighting it, but it's hard. I have four more weeks to go with this diet. I've been pretty good. Not perfect, but pretty good. I hate obsessing about food like this. Bleh.

I'm not sure what I can do to make it easier. There is a little voice inside of me that suggests that if I just have a little bit of what I want I won't want it again for a while. That may be true, but it might just make things worse. I can try to make more interesting food. I've been looking at these pics that I'm posting here just to remind myself that I don't want to look like that anymore.

Perhaps I can embarrass myself into staying the course.

Monday, July 04, 2005

How I Look Today - 07-04-05


07-04-05_1054.jpg
Originally uploaded by disastrogirl.
Happy Fourth of July! I'm down to 210, so I have lost 10 pounds since I started the diet, and 15 pounds since I started trying to lose weight. This was a slow week for weight loss. I only lost 2 pounds, but at least I lost something.

I had a lapse yesterday. Yes, I cheated... with 5 rolled tacos with guacamole. I ate them slowly and they were delicious. That is the worst I have done in two weeks. I don't feel that bad about it, really. I'm not going to quit the diet over it. I'm back on today. So there!

Aren't those pants great? Yeah, my giant ass looks so much better in bright blue. I needed some new exercise pants and they were on sale. At least they aren't pink. The good news is that they are a size smaller than the old ones, which were starting to fall off when I run. Nobody wants that. I look at them as "incentive" to lose more weight so I don't have to wear them anymore.